Marathon's & Motherhood

It is that time of the year where the days are long, and the time from after-school pick up's to bedtime feel never ending. I feel that our kids are pretty well rounded, even though I'm sure that all parents say how glorious their kids are. But for the most part, they listen pretty well.

As I was typing this Layton threw a bottle of soap at Issy, so I'd say definitely well rounded. Why is it that the winter is always harder for kids to listen? The kids are almost done all their Halloween candy, so I will have nothing to bribe them with, except maybe this year they will listen when I say "Santa doesn't bring toys to rude kids". I'm that mom and I have no shame. I swear the minute I get the winter coats out, my kids plot all the ways they are going to drive me crazy this winter. I guess this is because they struggle with the seasonal changes just as much as adults. The winter is the hardest time for me, as it is for many others. I don't have seasonal depression, but my anxiety spikes, and I do feel as though I have more challenging days when the days are darker longer. I often start to feel in a 'funk', and have to make sure that I am running or going to the gym and drinking lots of water and still taking time for self care. The holidays are such a busy time it is easy to get caught up in the rush of things and push ourselves into the spot we hate being, so this is your reminder to take care of yourself too. Self care isn't always face masks and bubble baths. Sometimes it is going outside for a walk, cutting off people who you've outgrown or canceling plans to be alone. Everyone has different versions at different times in their lives, and it's important to acknowledge.

As many people already know, just about 3 weeks ago I ran my first half marathon. My time wasn't the best, and it took me a bit longer to recover then I had planned, but I frigging finished. It was something that I had to do to prove to myself that I could. And, along the way, I fell in love with running again. I'm not kidding. I used to hate running. I have never been a fast runner, I've always been a slow and steady runner who has enjoyed longer distances then someone who runs quickly. The truth is, finishing my first half wasn't just a metal for me, it was very emotional and when I got to the 18km mark, I literally thought about jumping off the course and calling it quits. My body was fine, but mentally, I was not. Then, I noticed a swarm of people who had made signs and were looking at peoples bibs and calling out their names, and screaming and cheering us all on. At first I ignored them, because I knew that I wouldn't know anyone, and then a lady who was probably mid 50's yelled "come on Cassy, you've got this, you are so strong, you are so close", I remember in that moment I gave myself a pep talk and said 'get your shit together'. I pushed harder and faster than I had the entire race, my last 3 km's were the fastest, and between the 19 and 20 markers, the streets were lined with people cheering, including Dan, my Dad and the girls. When I saw them, I had a few tears, and then pushed on to the 21.3 marker which, if you have never ran a race, was the longest damn km (and a bit) of my life. And then just like that, it was done, I had finished 1 minute over my goal time, and was so proud I didn't even care. I ran a couple times a week to prepare for this, but I kind of half-assed it, and would dread training for it. My first run 4 days after, I ran my best 5km yet and the day after I ran a 13km with almost no issues. Now that I know I can run the distance, I have been pushing myself to do longer runs, and actually enjoying them. I have also been trying to find different ways to push myself and improve my time, but I can say that I am finally enjoying running again. I also have to give a shout out to my running buddy, Jenna, who pushed and encouraged me throughout the training and killed her time for the half! If you feel that you cannot always keep yourself accountable, grab a buddy, and you will be surprised how much more committed to your goals you will be.

As the seasons change, I feel that I am in a seasonal phase of change in my life as well. All of our kids are school aged, and although our kids are still young, I don't feel as needed by them. I was chatting with a friend today about the sad realization of having no more kids, and being done with the baby phase. As much sadness as this brings me, it also brings me relief. I struggled when the girls were babies, I had bad postpartum depression, and I was young. Transitioning from only worrying about myself, to worrying about a newborn, and then again a newborn and a 15 month old, I lost myself. I feel that when we become mothers, a part of who we used to be dies, and over time blooms into something so much more beautiful and nurtured. I wouldn't be who I was without my kids, and I am so grateful for them, but it took a lot for me to be on good terms with myself. Motherhood is fun, and exciting. But, it is also dark, and lonely. We are becoming so much better at ending stigmas, but there is still so much room for improvement. As I watched the Meghan Markle interview about a month ago, I started sobbing, because I had been there before, and I had felt her pain.I really don't care that she has help, or that she's royal, she's still human, and being a new mom is so hard. So many times we want to get our newborn snuggles in, and forget to check on how the mom is doing. It doesn't matter if it's her first or her fifth, it will always be hard. Here are a few things that you can do for new mom friends. 1) Text them, reach out. They might not answer, due to lack of sleep or not even knowing what day it is, but trust me when I say that they will appreciate it. 2) Drop off a pre-made meal, or a gift certificate. As a mom in general, the most stressful thing is after working or looking after the kids all day, trying to figure out what is for damn dinner. This takes a bit of stress off. 3) Don't treat them differently then before they had kids. I REPEAT, DO NOT treat them differently. My best friend doesn't have kids yet, and we still have the best times and laugh together. This is because we had so much in common before I had kids, and that didn't all go out the window when I had them. Moms need to feel that we are still people, and know how to have a good time away from our kids. Lastly, 4) Get them a Netflix gift card. New moms spend so much time watching tv. Mostly everything that we do as new moms, we do in front of the TV. Feed them, change them, burp them, and give them tons of snuggles, all in front of the TV. Trust me. This will be used. These are all based on my own experiences and I hope that one of them comes handy for you. I know there are a lot of people that will read this and not have kids, so the only thing that I ask of you is that you don't judge any moms -New moms, moms with teenagers and moms with kids off at college, because we are all just doing our best to get by from one day to the next, pushing through and fighting on, just like I did when I was running my half marathon. We need more people on our sidelines cheering us on and giving us the motivation to not lose sight of ourselves in the marathon of motherhood.